Moving Forward 20/20
This year though difficult, is one I am immensely grateful for. I keep mulling over James 1:2-4.
“Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.
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2019 has been a year of transformation and growth. It has been a year of pain, yet progress. It has been a year of shedding my carefully crafted image for authenticity. It has been a year of letting go of pride and asking and accepting help. It has been a year of FREEDOM. The truth sets us free [John 8:32].
With all this said, as I continue to work through my anxiety journey [through medication, therapy, exercise, family/friend support, and most importantly, the Lord], I need to create space to dwell on other things. The “things” as described in Philippians 4:8.
“Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.”
I want to go back to what this blog is supposed to be, a keepsake of family memories and encouragement to others. Why am I telling you this? I guess, I just don’t want to give anyone the wrong idea. At times this may be a highlights reel, but that doesn’t mean I don’t have challenges or am not working through them. Stress management will be a lifelong marathon, but I am discovering that I more than my anxiety and my anxiety isn’t me at my core. It’s an illness. As I continue to work on myself, I want to reignite those passions that circumstances caused me to neglect for a spell.
I am ready to move forward into 2020. Thank you to those who do this journey with me.
And to my kids who will read this some day:
I am so sorry that my anxiety struggles impacted me as a mom. At times when I was impatient and/or disengaged, it had nothing to do with your behaviour [yes, even you Kyler when you pulled the curtains off the window 😘], but had everything to do with an ugly internal battle going on inside me. A battle that was not your fault or responsibility, but rather caused by a chemical imbalance/ a traumatic event/ and personality tendencies combined to form a perfect storm. Still with that said, that is absolutely no excuse and although I make a point to apologize to you in the moment, I am truly sorry. I am and will continue to do my best, to be my best. If anyone deserves a joyful, peaceful and calm mom, it is you three. I love you more than you will ever know.
Love, Mom
