Quiet Time
Today was a typical Sunday. For breakfast my husband prepared waffles with the kids as per tradition, brewed delicious coffee and then promptly left to play nine holes of golf before the summer heat became unbearable. At that point, I zipped through a spin class, showered and had an easy Sunday morning with the kiddos while sipping on coffee. Justin returned around lunchtime with iced coffees in hand and we enjoyed a yummy lunch of grilled cheese sandwiches, tomato soup and pickles while we watched church online.
As lunch was preparing, I impulsively announced to the kids, “Okay guys. Starting today we are all going to have quiet time. It will usually happen from 1:30-2:15, but can change depending on our day. The idea of quiet time is to give everyone a chance to play, read quietly or nap… and Mommy can have a little rest too.”
My husband grew up having quiet time. Justin recalls building Lego or reading comic books and sometimes he and his sister would both go into their closets which shared a wall and whisper silly messages to each other. My mother-in-law sang its wonders and would jokingly admonish them when they would giggle about their sneaky chitchats… as they weren’t bothering her, she couldn’t care less! While we both were stay-at-home-moms in the early years, I guess I felt I wasn’t justified to enforce this because I send my boys go to school and my daughter to pre-school two mornings a week, whereas she homeschooled. However; all pandemic long and all summer and on weekends, the kids and I are together from sun dawn to sunset. I love them and genuinely like spending time with them too, but sometimes I just don’t have the energy to answer the same “What doing Mommy?” question a millionth time to a three year-old, patience to gently break up a sibling squabble or frankly hear my own thoughts. I want a break, actually I will rephrase: I NEED a break, so why have I not initiated this obvious rhythm into our day? To a degree, I believe mom guilt plays a small role, but by far the biggest excuse I have is parental laziness. To avoid pushback and whining from the kids about said initative, I took the path of least resistance despite the glaring signs that we are all craving a reprieve. That is not at all on them, but on me. As the mama, I wholeheartedly believe that I am responsible for setting the tone and tenor of my home. Parenting is not a popular contest y’all!
This is why I am now intentionally carving out space for everyone to recharge:
My daughter is outgrowing naps. Noelle is in this phase where she doesn’t require naps daily, yet she progressively gets whiner throughout the day. Long afternoon naps sabotage her bedtime, but a short nap or quiet play does wonders for her mood- and my patience levels. Naps aside, I also have two other kids to wrangle so a break across the board is important.
My kids’ schedules don’t always provide any sort of break. As I explained earlier, we have had a lot of together time. The boys haven’t had in-person learning since April! Intellectually I know I don’t actually need to justify carving space for solitude, but even practically speaking it’s clear this is way overdue! If we don’t plan for rest or pleasure, that time will be filled with something else.
I need the break. The lion-share of parenting falls on me as my husband, like many parents works long hours including a commute. We mutually made that decision for our family and I am thankful for that opportunity, but to be fair [cue Letterkenny] he gets a lunch break, to pee in peace and even though commutes are cumbersome, driving alone is an opportunity for decompressing and processing the day- or jamming to some tunes! Too many evenings I find myself running on empty so this will help me give my best.
My kids need the break. Slow mornings with the kids are my favourite, because they are their happiest selves, refreshed after a good night’s sleep. Additionally, I think learning to be alone is a life skill so keeping this zone screen-free and open play to foster imagination will help facilitate this. I will be reasonable, set an alarm and stick to 45 minutes max.
Reunited and it feels so good! Afterwards with boosted spirits, we can truly enjoy each others’ company. My plan is to have them enjoy a snack, offer a group activity or quality time with me before they go back to free-time as I prepare supper.
It’s never too late to start a new habit that will help shape your family’s day for the better. My biggest critic, my salty seven year-old will be okay. Plus, this afternoon my husband was able to contently watch the baseball game [with no request for Bluey or kids crawling over him] while I snuggled close and read a good book. Pure bliss!
