Apr 19

Apr 19 The Eye of the Storm

At 1:40 am Thursday night [... technically Friday morning], my youngest son woke up with a blood-curdling scream about some random toy he wanted [we only allow stuffed animals in bed]. He was frantic and frustrated, but eventually my even-keeled husband was able to soothe him back to sleep. I was not so lucky. After that rude awakening, I tossed and turned in bed and eventually made my way to the living sofa only to stare at the stars through the shadows of my large Norwegian maple tree.

By the time breakfast was done, I was toast [pun intended? I don’t know. I am tired Zzz]. I was already counting down the hours until nap time. I had a short fuse as did my kids. Lately, my eldest has developed an obnoxious tween-like attitude which can make conversing challenging and homeschooling draining to put it lightly. Kyler, has regressed and reverted back to toddler tantrums and instigating fights. Noelle, is fairly oblivious to the entire situation, yet has separation anxiety if I move away ever so slightly. My sons often appear oblivious/immune to the sound of my voice after a month in lockdown. To be fair, life has changed drastically for everyone, but our kids are less equipped to process and communicate their struggles. My mama friends have shared similar struggles. Misbehaviour is at an all-time high, making a stressful situation for parents even more stressful. [Check out this article by Today, “This Is Why Your Child Is Acting Like A Baby Right Now].

This tumultuous time is hard. My emotions are all over the map. I can swing between toxic positivity [focusing only the so-called positive, while rejecting/ignoring/suppressing anything that may trigger negativity aka “denial”] and depression. Perhaps I should pursue positivity, but in a balanced and realistic way that processes and acknowledges emotions appropriately… or maybe simply authenticity is the healthiest, grace-filled mental health goal for me right now.

After several mommy meltdowns this week, it dawned on me that this is not okay. This is not the example I wish to set for my kids. I want to rise above my kids’ antics and crummy attitudes. I’m the adult in the room. A mature person isn’t automatically going to react at the mercy and whim of external factors, but will gauge their response based on internal regulation. Ultimately, it is about accepting responsibility for our own conduct, and not blaming others. It’s not rocket science, but putting it into practice is where is gets challenging.

As I felt the call to change, the metaphor of the eye of the storm came to mind. While the cyclone rages and leaves a path of destruction in its wake, the centre of the storm is peaceful and calm. This is how I wish to navigate through life’s storms. In Mark 4:35-41, Jesus literally calms the storm. The wind and waves rocked that boat and endangered all the occupants on it, yet they were no match for the sound of his voice. Similarly, God is riding this storm with us too. These circumstances we collectively find ourselves in, are no match to the sound of His voice. I don’t have to modify my behaviour in my own strength, but by God’s grace, I can do all things [Philippians 4:13}. It’s not too late for me to course-correct and you can do the same.

COURSE-CORRECTING STEPS:

Apologize
I said sorry to my children and spouse. I recently watched a Netflix comedy special where the comedian jokes about how her parents never apologized. I think previous generations were reluctant to do that under the misguided notion it somehow undermined their parental authority. I disagree with that. No one is perfect; we all mess up. Apologizing is a powerful way to model humility and empowers our kids to extend grace to others.
Repenting to the Lord
“Repent, then, and turn to God, so that your sins may be wiped out, that times of refreshing may come from the Lord.” [Acts 3:19]. I’ve never regretted repenting to the Lord. In fact, I find it freeing as the wedge of sin between us is gone and our relationship is restored.
Check-In
We can’t live and lead from an empty tank. Quarantine momentarily threw me off my game, but lately I have had to intentionally go back to the basics as I prioritize self-care. Eating well, no more nightly “lockdown snacking”, working out and getting to bed at a decent hour have done wonders.
Guard My Thoughts
I’ve been convicted to fill my mind with His Word and to also take a step back from the cesspool of social media negativity and debate [the line between constructive conversation and keyboard warrior gets blurred]. As citizens we need to be informed of global affairs, yet let’s balance that with God’s true Word which pierces the darkness and brightens our outlook with the gift of hope.