Oh? Ok.

As of late I haven’t felt like myself. There hasn’t been one earth shattering blow that has rocked the ground beneath me, rather; it’s just been a string of smaller setbacks, challenges and inconveniences that when strung together have me feeling a little down, discouraged and defeated. One of these challenges has been parenting my neurodiverse child. It’s a hard road to navigate as we know the wiring of his brain is not his fault nor are the resulting reactions within his full control to self-regulate. Yet as we raise him in a neurotypical society where actions have consequences regardless of any underlying disadvantages one may have.

There have been numerous communication with educators, doctors, therapists, other ND parents, our parents, spiritual leaders and supportive friends. My church has my child on the prayer request list. No stone is left unturned to get all the help he needs. And despite all that, I often feel like it’s not enough and that I am not enough.

One saving grace I thank God for is that He seems to always strengthen one parent with a hopeful perspective when the other parents is at their wits’ end and in despair. My husband and I commit to praying together every day for all our children including our child with ADHD, marriage, home life, careers… etc.

After a few years on this atypical parenting journey with a child with extra needs, I have gleaned some practical wisdom. The first is to establish a positive relationship and rapport with adults’ in my childs’ life. My child’s complexities can make him difficult to work with, therefore; I make sure I am approachable and easy to work with. From my vantage point, we are on the same team and all unanimously wanting to help my son. It doesn’t serve my son if I act like his defence attorney. Rather, we reinforce school choices at home which has proven effective and supports the staff. Secondly, I balance our family calendar strategically giving time for activities but also lots of down time. My son needs time to decompress, unwind and have some solitude each day. When he plays with his train set or asks for his bins of LEGO, I know he is needing to calm his faster-than-light racing thoughts.

By the far the biggest lesson is learning to set realistic expectations. While I will never compromise and accept unwanted behaviours, I expect that it will happen. Kids are human after all. This removes the shock factor, helps me be proactive and parent effectively in the moment. The other lesson I have learned is that it truly does take a village to raise a child. This is for both the child and parents. I have a few friends, parents and a spouse that I can vent too when I feel the frustration, fear and heartache bubbling over. Just last week my best friend said to me, “He had a GREEN Monday! That’s awesome! Remember he can do this even when he’s in a funk.” That reminder encouraged my heart remembering these hard seasons ebb and flow. It isn’t always this hard.

So when I hear the heart wrenching and disturbing reports of a rough day at school where my heart drops and all I can think is ‘Oh’ as I inhale trying to catch a breath, I will exhale and say “Ok.” Not that the situation is ok, but recognizing that it will be so I can move forward and not be paralyzed by anxiety. We are still early days in this neurodiverse journey and as my child has imperfect yet intentional parents, phenomenal educators, the wisdom of doctors and specialists and most importantly the strength of the Lord, it will be ok.

*I want to express clearly that I love my child for who he is including how his mind works. It would be dishonest to say that the challenges it poses never becomes overwhelming or make us grieve at times, but I absolutely do appreciate the superpowers that come with his unique worldview. I feel like the world’s luckiest mama to have all three of my babies and I wouldn’t change a thing.